Cravings and urges are a normal part of the recovery process. Understandably you may be concerned about having them or letting others know that you have them. These concerns may be rooted in feelings of shame and guilt. The following list is meant to normalize the experience of having cravings and urges. Decreasing shame leads to increased communication, which leads to a reduced risk of relapse.

1. They come in waves.

Think about standing on a seashore as the waves come in, crest and then subside. Sometimes they barely touch your toes, other times you may slightly loose balance, and at their height they feel like they will come crashing down on you. However, just as the wave comes in, it will go out. The more that you “ride the wave” the more confidence you will build over time to get through the experience. This confidence can then allow you to get curious as to why it is happening.

2. They are often in response to something.

This can be a confusing concept because for some cravings and urges feel like you are on “auto-pilot”. You may feel that they just happen for no reason at all. However, when a craving or urge is reviewed there are often things that are adding to it. Stress at work or in a relationship, driving by an old place where you buy or use your substance of choice, after an argument, or after something wonderful like a promotion. Substances could have been a way to deal with stress, as well as a way to celebrate major life achievements. When you notice a craving or urge ask yourself, “what is this trying to help with?” You may be surprised of what you find.

Our brains help us to navigate the world through recognizing patterns. Patterns get formed through doing repeated behaviors over a period of time. It is the reason why you do not have to question what a red, yellow or green light means every time you drive. The same applies for substance use, which is a repeated set of behaviors done over a period of time creating a pattern that our brain recognizes. Anything associated with the pattern can be seen as a “trigger”.

Part of the process of recovery is discovering what your “triggers” are. Triggers can be as simple as driving by a store or neighborhood that is associated with your substance use. It can also be associated to the time of day when you used to use a substance. If you run from or ignore a trigger it could make more difficult to deal with in the future. When you are more aware of your triggers you will have a greater ability to predict and react to them in a healthy way.

3. You are not bad for having them

This may seem obvious, but cravings and urges are often part of the process of recovery. Just because you have stopped using a substances does not mean your brain will stop identifying everything associated with the pattern.

You may be concerned about how cravings and urges effect how you view yourself. An important distinction that many people come to understand through recovery is “who I am and who I was while I was using substances”. This distinction takes time and if you are at the beginning of your journey you may run into judgement, both internally and externally. The hope is that you find a network of people to talk about your cravings and urges.

4. They can be talked about

Stigma around mental health and substance use has been prevalent in our society for many years. A stigma is a negative judgement that is applied to a person or group, which often leads to shaming beliefs. As a result of growing up in our society you have likely run into a lot of stigmatized beliefs around substance use. As a result you may internalize this stigma and end up shaming yourself.

The intent of internalized shame is to try and preemptively stop you from taking part in patterns associated with substance use so you do not receive any judgement from others. If you feel judged by someone you may start judging yourself and this combination can be painful. Internalized shame has a great intent (to not add to the hurt you already feel), but it can have a negative impact.

By not talking about cravings and urges you will not be able to find a resolution. Additionally, not talking about your cravings automatically puts you in an isolated state, which increases the risk of relapse. So who do you talk to?

5. You do not have to do this alone.

The saying is “do not put all your eggs into one basket” because if that basket falls all the eggs break. You need a network of people around you to be able to have your needs met in a time of need. For example, you and your partner have an argument that results in a craving. You hesitate to tell your partner about the craving because of the concern of judgement, but you still need to take care of you craving. So what do you do now? In order to introduce the concept of building a support network I want to talk about two forms of support; Natural and Formal.

Natural supports are people who know you in and/or outside the context of substance use. They may be family, partners, or friends. They may have known you your whole life. You may find that they can be some of your greatest supports, but they could also be difficult to talk due to fear of it changing the way they view you. This could greatly effect the way you view yourself. However, this can be worked on over time through consistent open communication.

Formal support includes a variety of clinical and peer support people who understand substance use. Therapist, psychiatrist, counselors, sponsors, etc. They can help to identify triggers, ways of coping with cravings, help you to develop new ways of communicating, and support you throughout the recovery process. They can also be great people to practice open communication with in order to do this with you natural supports.

It does not matter what combination you utilize (50% Natural and 50% Formal, 25% Formal and 75% Natural, etc.), but what does matter is that you do not have to do this alone. Isolation and shame are some of the most common reasons for a relapse. Staying connected and talking about your needs in recovery can help to reduce the risk of relapse.

Remember, cravings and urges can happen whether you are either 20 days or 20 years abstinent from your substance of choice. One of the difficulties with cravings or urges can be in identifying the reasons behind them. The more open you are about having them with people who you find supportive, the more opportunity you have to find an alternative ways to meet your needs. So stay connected and stay curious!

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